http://distanceparenting.tribe.net/thread/22d409b5-16fd-4af5-96f3-024ff588f9de?format=rss Tribe.net. Local Connections http://distanceparenting.tribe.net/thread/22d409b5-16fd-4af5-96f3-024ff588f9de#73a79125-1e0d-48bb-92c9-170f7b873d6f Aloha, I have a 9yo daughter who is just heartbroken now because her birth father has decided he doesn't want to bother with her anymore. My first instinct when I became pregnant was to move away and have no contact with him. I decided that was wrong, even though he has a history fo wandering in and out of his children's lives [No, I didn't know this when we first became involved] He has never put forth ANY effort in their 'relationship' Since she was born I have had to make up for his lack of attention. We moved away so she wouldn't feel rejected. I made sure they saw each other once a year. When we tried to see him more often he wasn't interested. Yet, when I would take her back to visit, his friends would make comments about how I took his kid away. Apparently he didn't bother to fill in the part about us living a few blocks from one another and him not bothering to see her in 8 months unless I paid for us all [including his other 2 children] to go out to dinner. Ask your mom her reasons for not having your father in your life. Remember that anything he says has to be suspect because he wants to make himself look good. Don't settle for just one side of the story. How are his other relationships? How does he treat/talk about women? If he is disparaging, it's a good indication that he has issues with women. Don't put him on a pedestal just because he wasn't there and you're not around him. He can present whatever image he wants to you. My daughter recently said to me that she thinks it's better never to have known your father than to have him reject you. It tears at my heart to see her so broken. And this happened because I did all I could to keep the 'relationship' between them going. Now she's old enough to see what kind of person he is. Maybe your mom was trying to spare this kind of heart wrenching pain. Give her some credit - she was the one who was there for you. And if you had a good step father, be grateful that your mom loved you enough to find you a good dad and loved you enough to deal with the consequences of her actions. She knew when she made that decision that someday she would be seen as the bad guy. That's a hell of a sacrifice. She really loves you. Blessings Sun, 06 May 2007 23:51:13 GMT http://distanceparenting.tribe.net/thread/22d409b5-16fd-4af5-96f3-024ff588f9de#73a79125-1e0d-48bb-92c9-170f7b873d6f Geralyn 2007-05-06T23:51:13Z http://distanceparenting.tribe.net/thread/22d409b5-16fd-4af5-96f3-024ff588f9de#59a3119d-a2cb-438c-8bfe-fc3957168c6e Hello im Leanne, and im mother of five children, just wanting to offer support to anyone who might need it, i was kept from my father and finally because of the internet found him again when i was about 43, he passed away jan of 2006, but we got a chance to interact via the net, my mother kept him away from me and made me feel that my step father was all i should be thankful for, well it hurt my life tremedously no matter what the trouble between my parents, i needed to know my father ...myself, and she thinks she was right but it was wrong God bless them all and you all take care now Love in Jesus leanne www.Godspeople.inJesus.com Thu, 11 May 2006 01:08:50 GMT http://distanceparenting.tribe.net/thread/22d409b5-16fd-4af5-96f3-024ff588f9de#59a3119d-a2cb-438c-8bfe-fc3957168c6e leanne (lanny fan) 2006-05-11T01:08:50Z